101 Reasons Why "Lord of the Rings" Sucks

#36: It's Not Endorsed by the Wu.

Not everything in this world has to be associated with the seminal rap group Wu Tang Clan, but when you're dealing with a film of such cultural magnitude, certain rules apply. Wu Tang have used audio samples from many different films in their music. In fact, it's almost a trademark of the Wu Tang sound. If Scarface was significant enough to garner audio samplage, then why wasn't Lord of the Rings?

The film is definitely not lacking in the epic fight scene category which fuels so much of the Wu's testosterone driven sound. The film also contains numerous wisdom filled monologues delivered by venerable old men, which Rza and the Wu are obviously fond of. Even the quirky fantasy aspect, which would send most rap producers running for the hills, is a huge turn-on for the Wu (Shogun Assassin, anyone?). That leaves only one possible reason why they have never tipped their do-rags to Frodo and his merry men: they suck.

101 Reasons Why "Lord of the Rings" Sucks

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101 Reasons Why "Lord of the Rings" Sucks

Reason #67: Kanye West Isn't In The Film

How can a film be so widely hailed as one of the greatest trilogies ever made when it is clearly lacking the star power that someone like Kanye would bring? I understand that the box office numbers made by these films is impressive, but think of what they could've been with Kanye. Hell, the Bible is only the best selling book of all time because Kanye endorses it. And the new Dan Brown novel? I hear the hero is replaced by a certain puffy-jowled musical genius. And, no, it's not Mick Jagger.

Don't think you can just throw some menial role in his direction, either. This guy goes for lead or he goes home. Just ask Justice and Simian from the MTV Europe Music Awards. They remember what happens when 'Ye doesn't get the recognition he deserves. So, I'm guessing the role of Gandalf. I know Frodo is technically the main character, but could you really picture Mr. West as a midget? No, he's too larger than life for that. And if Kanye would have been at the Bridge of Khazad-dûm, he would've messed that Balrog up. Even if he did fall down that pit with the Balrog monster, it would've been done just to show how awesome he can fall down a hole.

Peter Jackson is a smart guy. He knew the popularity of the film would have been earth shattering if Kanye West portrayed Gandalf, but the truth of the matter is that Peter Jackson hates black people. Did you see any other black characters in the movie? Hmm? Was that Gary Coleman playing Samwise Gamgee? Hmm? The lovable Hobbit sidekick? No, it was Sean Astin. You disappoint me, Peter Jackson. And what's worse, you disappoint Kanye West.