AMC's The Walking Dead, Zombie Strippers and Jesus Riding a Dinosaur

What better night than Halloween night for AMC to premiere their new drama The Walking Dead? The show, having more to do with zombies than with parenthood (the leap from sleep-deprivation to corpses becoming reanimated is a small one), is as suspenseful as it is fun. But what kind of judge am I? I love anything related to zombies and I have since I was old enough to shit myself unintentionally. I've practically seen every zombie film out there, save one: Zombie Strippers.

Zombie Strippers is a 2008 horror satire starring Robert Englund (Freddy Krueger, anyone?) and Jenna Jameson (hepatitis, anyone?). I haven't seen it due to the sheer fact that I'm scared. Not in the oh-my-god-we-really-have-a-black-president scared, but the perhaps-they'll-be-more-boobs-than-blood-and-my-wife-will-throw-a-hot-bucket-of-popcorn-butter-into-my-lap scared. And anyone who's married knows that there's no one scarier than your spouse.

I recently read an interview with the Rev. Billy Graham. In it, Graham admits that the overwhelming physical evidence supporting the existence of dinosaurs can only be explained by the fact that dinosaurs existed during the days of the Garden of Eden and were present on Noah's Arc during the Great Flood. So I thought to myself, if Billy Graham has the courage to make a complete ass out of himself in front of the whole world in order to justify creationism, then perhaps I, too, can find the courage required to finally place Zombie Strippers on my Netflix queue.

Brokeback Mountain

Brokeback Mountain. The Gay Cowboy Movie. I actually didn't think it was that gay. Anything with Roy Rogers is way gayer and way more cowboyier. He wears yellow paisley shirts and pink bandannas. I'm no expert on gay culture or cowboy culture, but I think he would get some pretty stern looks if he walked into a dude ranch looking like Captain Crunch.

Heath Ledger was hot in that movie. It's kinda hard not to look hot when you're wearing blue jeans and riding a horse. Even Randy Quaid looked hot riding a horse (He played the angry sheep herder). Ledger did mumble throughout the film, though. He reminded me of the gopher from the Winnie the Pooh series. He slurred so much when he talked that the first time I watched the film I thought his name was Anus instead of Ennis. Anus would have been so much cooler.