Tuesday, September 15, 2009

101 Reasons Why "Lord of the Rings" Sucks

Reason #67: Kanye West Isn't In The Film

How can a film be so widely hailed as one of the greatest trilogies ever made when it is clearly lacking the star power that someone like Kanye would bring? I understand that the box office numbers made by these films is impressive, but think of what they could've been with Kanye. Hell, the Bible is only the best selling book of all time because Kanye endorses it. And the new Dan Brown novel? I hear the hero is replaced by a certain puffy-jowled musical genius. And, no, it's not Mick Jagger.

Don't think you can just throw some menial role in his direction, either. This guy goes for lead or he goes home. Just ask Justice and Simian from the MTV Europe Music Awards. They remember what happens when 'Ye doesn't get the recognition he deserves. So, I'm guessing the role of Gandalf. I know Frodo is technically the main character, but could you really picture Mr. West as a midget? No, he's too larger than life for that. And if Kanye would have been at the Bridge of Khazad-dûm, he would've messed that Balrog up. Even if he did fall down that pit with the Balrog monster, it would've been done just to show how awesome he can fall down a hole.

Peter Jackson is a smart guy. He knew the popularity of the film would have been earth shattering if Kanye West portrayed Gandalf, but the truth of the matter is that Peter Jackson hates black people. Did you see any other black characters in the movie? Hmm? Was that Gary Coleman playing Samwise Gamgee? Hmm? The lovable Hobbit sidekick? No, it was Sean Astin. You disappoint me, Peter Jackson. And what's worse, you disappoint Kanye West.

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