Friday, August 28, 2009

Like a Pit Bull on a Preschooler

Earlier this week I attended a refresher course for my company. It was a two day class held outside of Charlotte, NC. One particular lecture stuck out in my mind. The speaker was talking about aggression at the work place in relation to motivation and he used the analogy of a "pit bull on a preschooler". It got the point across, but it also got me thinking about human nature and eugenics.

So I will ignore the years of abuse and neglect that "pit bull type" dogs have received as the root of their aggression. Instead I will focus only on the outcome of our mismanagement of these dogs and applaud cities like Denver, CO and Miami, FL for calling for the extermination of "dangerous breeds". Likewise, did you know that African Americans account for 39% of the prison population* and only 13% of the general population? Ignoring 400 years of abuse and neglect, I wonder if they qualify under Breed Specific Legislation?

On a similar note, while I was driving to Charlotte for the seminar I saw a dog walking down the side of I-40. Naturally I stopped and tried to coax the dog away from traffic. Upon seeing me the dog fled further down the highway. The breed? The dreaded American Pit Bull Terrier. I can only assume that he wasn't running away from me, but towards a preschool.

* Federal Bureau of Prisons

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

The Lion of the Senate: Ted Kennedy


Sunday, August 23, 2009

Don't Take Your Guns to Townhall Meetings

Back in 1958, a young man by the name of Johnny Cash wrote a bunch of songs that a bunch of people enjoyed. One of those songs was called "Don't Take Your Guns to Town". It's about a young man who disregards his mother's advice and brings his pistols into town with him. He's convinced that he can elude trouble, but is in the end gunned down by someone faster and more experienced. The moral? Even though he wasn't looking for trouble, he found it by putting himself in a real stupid situation.

Enter this man: William Kostric. Someone who was foolish enough to bring a loaded handgun to a town hall meeting last week where the President was speaking about health care reform. Too bad he didn't accidentally "reach for it". You know how bored those Secret Service guys must get.

Friday, August 14, 2009

To Be Young and Naked

Just back from a week long exile in Key West, I'm glad to see the world hasn't fallen apart during my absence. Oh, Key West was wonderfully packed with drunks, prostitutes and badly dressed transvestites, but meeting all my new friends down in the Conch Republic reminded me how much I missed an old one back home. As soon as we opened our front door, suitcases still in hand, there he was beaming from the television set - Fox News.

It was great to see a familiar face. I told him all about the Dry Tortugas and the fabulous nightlife on Duval Street. He told me all about the town hall meetings and the death chambers. We had a lot of catching up to do. For instance, did you hear about Twilight star Ashley Greene winning at the Teen Choice Awards? Oh, what I meant to say was - did you hear about Twilight star Ashley Greene and the nude pictures of her floating around the Internet?

Not to be outdone, High School Musical star Vanessa Hudgens has her own scandal. Nude pictures of the teen sensation were recently leaked on the Internet. Disney denied rumors that they would distance Hudgens from the company or the High School Musical franchise. A top Disney executive was quoted as saying, "Kim Kardashian has sex with black men. All Vanessa did was show her beaver. Get over it, America. It's just a beaver".

In other news, Lynette "Squeaky" Fromme was released from prison today. After serving 34 years of her life sentence, Squeaky was released from the Federal Medical Center in Carswell, Texas. A member of the infamous Manson Family, Fromme was finally imprisoned for the attempted assassination of President Gerald Ford. In a press release yesterday, Fromme's attorney said, "Vanessa Hudgens takes pictures of her beaver. All Squeaky did was wave a gun around. Get over it, America".

Come on, Fox News. Where are those death chambers I was promised.