Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Megan Fox Brings Sexual Tension to the UN

There has been much outrage surrounding the recent UN meeting in New York City and one participant in particular, Muammar al-Gaddafi. Sure he's viewed by many as a chief sponsor of terrorist related activities over the past four decades. Sure he delivered an impassioned hour and half long speech before the United Nations where he bashed the UN Security Council and the United States. Sure he supports giving the Taliban a permanent residency similar to the Vatican. At least he didn't partake in a decade long sexual relationship with his daughter like that John Phillips bastard. And I thought the worst thing the Mamas and Papas did was "California Dreamin".

Gaddafi didn't come to America, though, to play second fiddle to Mackenzie Phillips on the Oprah Winfrey show. Contrary to popular belief, he didn't come to America for the gathering of the United Nations, either. No, he came to New York for the opening weekend of the new Diablo Cody penned film "Jennifer's Body". Starring Megan Fox, this film from 20th Century Fox tells the tale of a teenage girl who becomes a vampire and starts slaughtering teenage boys. Obviously Gaddafi is a fan of teenage slasher films. That or he saw Megan Fox on the movie poster and assumed it was "Transformers III".

Columbia Pictures is fighting back with their own horror/comedy, Zombieland. Starring Woody Harrelson and Jesse Eisenberg as survivors of a zombie plague that has engulfed the world, the film traces the characters on a cross-country trek to an amusement park where they hope to find shelter from the chaos. Fans lined the streets of New York as Gaddafi entered the UN building, wrongly assuming that his speech would be a tad more pro-"Jennifer's Body" and a tad less anti-United States. Subsequently, Gaddafi's Myspace page has been flooded with angry comments.

Critics cite Harrelson's portrayal of Woody Boyd on the Chicago-based sitcom Cheers as the primary reason for Gaddafi's unusually reserved speech. Donald Trump, no doubt, tipped him off to the fact that President Barack Obama and Oprah Winfrey, the two most powerful people in America, have at one point or another referred to the Windy City as home. As fragile as these alliances may seem, though, the real threat today was played out by Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Upon taking the stand, Ahmadinejad removed a black iPod from his coat pocket and placed it to the microphone where for two minutes and forty-two seconds the UN was subjected to "California Dreamin" by the Mamas and the Papas. Oprah could not be reached for comment.


Peter Varvel said...

I must really be a woman because even I'm getting some wood over Miss Fox.
I don't know how else to explain it.

Michael DeAntonio said...

Mr. Varvel! How nice of you to join us!

quin browne said...

viagra, peter...

michael, god, i laugh so hard at your work.

*wiping tears*