It was great to see a familiar face. I told him all about the Dry Tortugas and the fabulous nightlife on Duval Street. He told me all about the town hall meetings and the death chambers. We had a lot of catching up to do. For instance, did you hear about Twilight star Ashley Greene winning at the Teen Choice Awards? Oh, what I meant to say was - did you hear about Twilight star Ashley Greene and the nude pictures of her floating around the Internet?
Not to be outdone, High School Musical star Vanessa Hudgens has her own scandal. Nude pictures of the teen sensation were recently leaked on the Internet. Disney denied rumors that they would distance Hudgens from the company or the High School Musical franchise. A top Disney executive was quoted as saying, "Kim Kardashian has sex with black men. All Vanessa did was show her beaver. Get over it, America. It's just a beaver".
In other news, Lynette "Squeaky" Fromme was released from prison today. After serving 34 years of her life sentence, Squeaky was released from the Federal Medical Center in Carswell, Texas. A member of the infamous Manson Family, Fromme was finally imprisoned for the attempted assassination of President Gerald Ford. In a press release yesterday, Fromme's attorney said, "Vanessa Hudgens takes pictures of her beaver. All Squeaky did was wave a gun around. Get over it, America".
Come on, Fox News. Where are those death chambers I was promised.