Tuesday, March 16, 2010

The Battle of the Bulge

The last thing I want is for my son, Lukas, to grow up to objectify women in the same sense that his father does. You objectify women, Michael? Sadly, I think I do. As pointed out by my loving wife, the last three posts on this blog have contained pictures of overly suggestive cleavage. I understand that women are more than sugary eye-candy, that’s why they have vaginas. Form meets function.

So to balance the massive amounts of mammaries promoted on this website, I present to you the male bulge. What better way to counteract your own sexist tendencies than to objectify yourself. And by ‘objectify myself’, I mean objectifying someone who has a much larger penis than me. And if Real Woman Have Curves, do real men have small penises? I don’t know, just ask Prince Gomolvilas.

And if real women have gestational diabetes, then I suppose I’m married to a dude. Thankfully my wife, Bekki, received a positive result from her glucose tolerance test. Now we can have our cake and eat it, too. She was still referred to a dietitian, but told to ‘take it easy’ until the appointment. Luckily, my wife responds to ‘take it easy’ the same way as I respond to ‘no, Michael, my feet hurt’- ‘thank God it’s just your feet because I really want your vagina’.


Peter Varvel said...

. . . Bekki received what now about what, um, condition?
(I couldn't hear you over the bulge)

Prince Gomolvilas said...

Michael, I would like to request more gay porn on your blog. Thank you for your cooperation.

Michael DeAntonio said...

Peter- The original picture I wanted to use was more obscene than this, but I didn't want to appear to be a smut peddler.

Prince- If you could get more gay men to read my blog, I would gladly slant my topics towards that direction.