We hired a carpenter to build a massive bookshelf to house all of my wife's literary victims. It's eleven feet long by seven feet tall and practically covers the whole wall. I've never been much into the written word, but a home library says something about a man. Hopefully it says something to exaggerate my phallus.
Aside from my wife's pretentious obsession with books, there's another area she excels in - baby making. I like to think that I had something to do with it, but I was there the night of conception, so trust me, I didn't do much. All of our efforts for the past three years have been aimed at this outcome and, now that it's finally here, we couldn't be happier. I just hope our dog-childs don't get jealous.