I wasn't sure whether or not I wanted to part with my $16 to purchase the new Lady Gaga cd, but her performance on SNL convinced me. Like an equestrian buying a horse, I wanted to make sure she had sturdy hindquarters. Seeing her in sheer pantyhose and a black thong, I feel confident that she can perform whatever task I need her to do. Like, I don't know, mow the grass? What does a pop singer do, anyway? Sex? Oh, that's because she acts like a whore, right? I get it.
Damn it! I forgot to check her teeth. You're always supposed to check their teeth before you buy them. What? I just purchased the cd, not the woman? Then why was she whoring herself out on national television? To push her product? Really? That works? Oh. Then if sex sells, what the hell was Madonna doing? Nothing damages a brand, even an established brand like Madonna, then a pair of old yams dancing around like jerked chicken. And until George Clooney starts acting 30 years younger than he is, keep the double standard comments where they belong, up your ass. You're not 20, Madonna, try to act distinguished.
If women can't be purchased then I guess I should return my Kate Gosselin from Jon and Kate Plus 8 fame. But any woman that can pop out eight children has to be a pro at churning butter, I'm just sayin'. I'm not implying that Kate Gosselin is blurring the lines between reality and fantasy by exposing every aspect of her life. I just thought it was an audition or a try-before-you-buy kinda thing. Oh, it's more like a voyeur thing? I don't actually get to have her fold my clothes for me and take care of my family? But she does such a jam up job. Still I think Jon Gosselin ought to think twice before he badmouths his ex on national tv. You don't tell a nation of consumers that she's damaged goods until after you've sold her.