Monday, December 28, 2009

Bad Boys and Happy Days

Women love bad boys. Yes, it's a stereotype, but the stereotype just might prove to be true. Whether it's the Fonz punching stereo equipment or Johnny Depp dressed up as a pirate, girls just seem to love a guy with a sense of danger. That's why I drive with an open container. Drinking and driving would be reckless and irresponsible. So I remove the bottle cap and pour a liberal amount of alcohol onto the ground. I then place the container in my car's cup holder and wait for the right moment. It might be a woman at a red light or a cop at a routine traffic stop, but somebody will eventually see my beverage. This way, I get the rush of driving with an open container without the fear of collision and bodily harm.

There are several types of bad boys, I've found, that ladies do not love. One of them being Bad Boy Records, vanity label of Sean "Diddy" Combs and former home to the Notorious B.I.G. I've come to this conclusion because every time I dim the lights down low and put "Me and My Bitch" by Biggie on the stereo, it leads to less than desirable results. I've found that the meat and potatoes of seducing a woman is to actually get her to have sex with you. Mood music is supposed to increase your chances of having your meat and potatoes. It is not supposed to hinder them. Be warned- playing gansta rap while trying to get busy might leave you jerking to the bra section of a Sears catalog and sleeping on the couch.

If you ever watch reruns of Happy Days, just focus on Mrs. Cunningham's eyes. She wants the Fonz. She might love Mr. C, but she wants the Fonz. Why does that matter? Because she's hot. She's also a red head, which makes her double hot. And being a bad boy makes getting a piece of double hot cake as easy as, well, cake.

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