Is Tiger Woods a Wife Beater?

Tiger Woods is keeping his lips sealed concerning his recent late night car crash. A barrage of questions are being raised. Where was he going at 2:30 in the morning? What caused him to collide with a tree? Would a woman as good looking as Swedish supermodel Elin Nordegren really marry Tiger if it weren't for all his money? We may never know the answers to these questions definitively, and with no official statement from the Woods camp, conspiracy theories are practically all we have to go by.

Talking heads are speculating that Woods had a simple domestic argument and that the crash was a result of poor thinking, and that the only thing hurt was his pride. I like to think that something a bit racier occured. Possibly after a half bottle of Dewar's White Label and/or a few rails of pure Colombian cocaine, Woods had a late night craving for Ben and Jerry's seasonal ice cream flavor, Gingersnap (we've all been there). So he gets behind the wheel of his black Escalade, floors it and hits a tree. That explains everything except his wife bashing the windows in. Even at the Woods residence, I can't imagine that a golf club was just lying around.

Maybe they just had an argument, he got a little 'handsy' and left. Elin, enraged, grabs a gulf club and follows him out to the street. She repeatedly hits his rear window, distracting him so badly that he loses control of the car and crashes into a tree. Either way, his reputation as a wholesome role model and endorser of useless products will never be the same. Nike may operate primarily through sweat shops who ignore child labor laws, but they have their standards.