Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Stedman Graham: The Loneliest Man Alive

Poor Stedman, quietly masturbating in the bathroom while Oprah and Gayle drink White Russians and give each other mammograms. It would be a tough scene to imagine; having your emotionally distant wife* fall in love with her best friend, but it's a reality that Stedman Graham lives with every day. That and he has to live with Oprah's money.

Now that Oprah has announced the scheduled demise of The Oprah Winfrey Show, will she finally shed the charade and reveal the dyke within? Or does her delusion run so deep that her ego will never let her admit to those hot nights when her and Gayle put their wiffers together and scissored like crazy?

How can a man live without human connection? It's unnatural. I honestly feel bad for Stedman. Well, I suppose he is married. Therefore his situation isn't really that uncommon. But he can't even smile at a pretty waitress without the tabloids catching wind. And by the time the magazines hit the printers, he will have beat himself up over it so much that there will actually be blood. And we all know that Oprah can smell a drop of blood from over a mile away.

*They're "spiritually married". If that isn't gay, I don't know what is.


Peter Varvel said...

'Wiffers??' (as in 'Get a whiff of this!')
With that alone, I think you just cemented my sexual identity even more completely - if that's even possible. Ewww!

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