Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Whores, Girlfriends and Guys Named J.D.

I was saddened to hear of the recent death of author J.D. Salinger. When I was a child, I often dreamt of running away to New York and paying for a prostitute. Salinger's novel, the Catcher in the Rye, gave me hope that my dream could one day be fulfilled. The only difference is, I wouldn't have pussed out like the fictional Holden Caufield. I would have given that whore six and a half inches of American made reality - 3 minutes of sex followed by 57 minutes of crying, 'cause all be damned if I'm paying for the second hour.

Another J.D. to recently pass is the main character from the ABC comedy Scrubs. The network execs didn't exactly kill him off, but he might as well be dead with as few 'guest appearances' as he makes. Ever since ABC bought the show from NBC and Zack Braff walked, the show just isn't the same. Watching the show now is like staying with your hot girlfriend after she gets really fat. Sure, the sex is still good, but her self-esteem issues are a total drag. If I wanted that type of bedroom talk, I'd just have sex with my wife.

6 comments:

Peter Varvel said...

Cheryl Klein describes the weight gain of one of her fictional characters as "a second helping of herself," which I love!
I'm all for seconds, especially when it comes to 6½ inches . . .

Prince Gomolvilas said...

"I would have given that whore six and a half inches of American made reality"

Yup, Peter, that's the sentence that caught my eye (and stiffened my pants) too.

Oh, why must Michael continue to tease us?

Michael DeAntonio said...

I can't believe you two jumped on that line. I didn't even think twice about it.

I should know better by now.

Peter Varvel said...

Prince, he can't believe that we would jump on ANYTHING of his.
Either we're not being gay enough, or we're not sexually harassing him enough.
Step it up, bitches!

Prince Gomolvilas said...

Michael, will you please talk about your wang, hypothetical or otherwise, some more? Thank you.

Michael DeAntonio said...

How about I just turn everything into a euphemism(sp?) for my wang?